She's a Gold Digger...

So today while I'm working out my ipod mix included the classic commitment-phob anthem "Gold Digger." Don't get me wrong, I totally love the hypnotic way that Kanye West can make even me wanna holla’ "We want pre-nup! We want pre-nup??? ...Wait what? Ok for a bazillionaire rapper or someone with a lot of financial revenue build up before a couple even meets...then yes a pre-nup should be hollar’d...but what is this new fixation that regular men have with this piece of paper??

Why are you STILL single???

So I went on a date the other night and was asked the inevitable question "So..why are you still single?" This is a question men seem to often have on their mind after a couple of dates. And I have the answer down to a science by now. I simply reply by saying "Why am I single?? Hmmm...I'm single because I just haven't found the right person. Because guys in Vegas are flaky and not genuine...ect...ect"
What I really want to say is "I'm single because the guys I met in college and High School were such jack holes with no direction other than the next keg party of the day that their mom was going to do their laundry that I kinda gave up on the idea of commitment...or even the idea of love all together. Most guys at that time saw that I was the kind of girl that they wanted to end up with...but they weren't ready to settle down. So that let me with getting hurt and stung along with false hopes of possible maturity or them maybe changing their attitudes. So amongst all of this emotional strain...I developed a taste for distrust in men all together. They were selfish and played games...so I learned to protect myself and play games too.
That is until I fell truly, madly, deeply in Love. I was enjoying the fact that I was single and having fun with a meaningless string of men...and then there he was. I will go into detail about him and that relationship some other time...but for now know that he is a huge reason why I am STILL single. This man slowly gained my trust, convinced me to move away from everything and everyone I knew to be with him. He messed with my head and turned my confident, strong personality into a cowardly puddle on the ground by the time our relationship ended with him literally leaving me without anyone or anything. I then spent two years trying to pick up the pieces of my self worth. I went to school while I worked full time and got my master's degree, dated a string of men who were far beneath me and riddled with self esteem issues themselves. Then after I finally felt myself again and started to date men more my speed...I have found that they are guys like you that say they want to settle down and say they are looking foe a relationship but when things get real they up and run like a little B----! If they see even one tiny flaw and live isn't just golden roses and sunshine everyday...then something isn't perfect and they string women like me along with false sentiments and talk of relationships and futures that will never happen!! Because guys have so many options that they never have to deal with LIFE. They don't have to 'work it out' or 'compromise'. They just stop calling, texting, or talking and disappear. So that is why I am single!! So...how about a second date??"

Get over it...it's a stupid cupcake!

So I work in a profession filled with annoying old married biddies (most with children) and young women in relationships that can't wait to get their claws into a man so they can "get barefoot and pregnant." And for some reason all of these witches love to rub the fact that they are not single into the festering wounds of broken relationships that have left some of us still single. So not only have I had to fakely smile and pretend to be happy for umpteen pregnant ladies that last few years, but now some of the ones around my age and younger are getting married. (INSERT GAGGING NOISE HERE)
One little twit in particular is flaunting her impending nuptials to her little troll of a fiancé. She has let everyone know of her engagement ever since she started a few months ago. But the kicker is the stupid wedding isn't even going to happen until next summer...no not this summer, but summer 2011!! WTF!! She looks so dumb, and really annoying.
So at one of the baby showers there were homemade cupcakes. As the other ladies were enjoying them this little twit announces very loudly, "NO, I can't have one! I need to be ready for my wedding next summer!" She looked so serious and stood there expecting someone to come to her rescue from the horrible evil women that offered her a delicious little cupcake. I stood there staring at her in complete contempt. In my head was this: "REALLY!?? Are you efffing kidding me???!! You are barely five foot and 100 lbs at most. Impending wedding (in like a year and a half) or not you should never have to turn down on cupcake for the fear of gaining weight you stupid little (insert every insult imaginable). Anyway beyond that ...YOUR STUPID WEDDING ISN'T FOR YEAR AND A HALF...A YEAR AND A HALF!! In a year and a half I could meet someone, get married, and have a child. All while you are busy telling people about your fear of little cupcakes and how they will affect your ability to get married a long time from now. lol. But who am I kidding? I will probably not ever get married and die alone with 20 cats and cupboards of frosting...but the point is I COULD do all of that in the time it will take her to plan her annoying little wedding...I wonder what they will serve at the wedding?...I kinda hope it's cupcakes :)

Sexy Walker Seeks Honker

What is up with men feeling the need to honk, yell, and just today whistle at me when I go for a walk? I mean how sexy could I possibly look? I wear a baggy old sweatshirt, yoga pants, big sunglasses and my hair pulled back. No makeup...not that a person in a passing car could tell that. But even though I can look amazing when I want to...going on a walk to get coffee at Starbucks (4 mile round trip) is not one of the times that I am trying to look my best.
Sure a few years ago, when I was in college, I used to wear cute workout shorts and tank tops to go rollerblading around town. Then I was expecting to be noticed. However now I just want a leisurely walk to get coffee, some exercise, and fresh air without jumping out of my skin every five minutes from someone trying to get my attention...well maybe not that often...probably a few times each walk...but it is still annoying.
What ever happened to just saying hello in a non-annoying way??